I took me a year to fully get over my last relationship.
Originally I thought I was "fine" about two months after the break-up. I felt like a huge weight had been lifted off of my shoulders. And in a way it had. After months of feeling suffocated I felt like I could finally breathe a little easier again. So in that respect I was "fine". But I was in NO way healed. So, instead of taking the time to heal, I embarked on a series of meaningless relationships that went nowhere and left my soul feeling even more empty and confused then I was before.
"I was "over" this guy, wasn't I?
If I was free from him, why wasn't it working out with anyone else."
I had no idea what I was doing wrong.
I spent many a night crying and beating myself up. I was miserable.
"Maybe I wasn't doing anything wrong," I remember thinking, "maybe I was just wrong."
"Maybe there is just something wrong with me."
"Maybe the reason he left was because I was just plain unlovable!"
We can be so cruel to ourselves sometimes.
Only recently did the whole ordeal of the relationship and subsequent break-up begin to make sense to me.
As I said after the break-up I was miserable. I had no idea who I was anymore. The dreams and goals I had before I started dating this man seemed like foreign concepts to me now. I had no idea what I wanted in life, now that this man who was a big part of my life for the past 9 months was gone.
I began to do what a lot of us do when something we once loved ends.
I started to play the blame game.
"He took my dreams and goals from me" I thought
"He took all I had and left me with nothing"
Now I wasn't just sad anymore, I was sad and PISSED OFF!
"HOW DARE HE! HOW DARE HE DO THIS TO ME!"
Did I mention I was a mess?
I had been in lust before.
I had been in infatuation before.
I had been in infatuation that I mistook for love.
But at 27 I had never been in LOVE before. These feelings were all very new to me.
I started to wonder if I would ever be happy again. I had moments of happiness and self-contentment, but true lasting joy seemed like something I would never know again.
Then I received a message that hit me like a ton of bricks. A divinely timed message from the Universe that challenged everything I had ever thought about myself, my life and relationships up till that point. A message of Forgiveness and True Happiness that now, as I approach 30, has become the very core of my existence.
"Forgiveness is giving up the hope that the past could be any different"
-Oprah Winfrey (I LOVE that women!!!)
At surface value it seems like such a mundane and Hallmark sentiment. But when you truly understand these words and their meaning, it is life changing.
The past is just that...Past!
What has happened has happened and cannot be undone.
Your "failed" relationships...
Your parents and upbringing...
It's all in the past.
It cannot be undone.
It is unchangeable.
See the past for what it was and move on.
Up until then I had wasted so much time lamenting about the things I didn't have, or the way that certain things in my life had worked out.
I didn't have the happily ever after that I had envisioned when I first started dating this man.
I can't have the kind of relationship I want with either of my parents.
I don't have a life without regret.
But the past is the past!
My boyfriend left and he wasn't coming back. Why we fight so hard for people who don't love us in the first place is beyond me.
My parents did the best they could for who they are.
I have a few regrets. When you stop and think about it, a life without any, is impossible.
Once you face certain realities about yourself and your life, and realize that nothing can be done to change them, I promise, you will find a sense of peace that you hadn't known before.
You will begin to realize that, health, love, prosperity, and peace will come to you when you are TRULY ready to receive them. That all the missteps and false starts were only detours on your journey, teaching you what you needed to learn before you truly found what you were looking for all along. Because after all, how do you discover what you truly want before you have a taste of what you don't?
I love movies. I always have. Every since I was first introduced to them through the likes Bob Hope and Abbot and Costello as a young boy by my grandma. They are what inspired me to pursue a life in the performing arts. I wanted to do what I saw those performers up on the screen doing. I wanted to entertain. And I have been very blessed and fortunate to have created a platform for myself to do just that.
But more then to entertain I wanted to be brave and courageous like I saw my heros on the screen doing.
However, the success that I have achieved both in my personal and professional life, would never have been possible without some sort of action on my part.
At one time in my life I was getting so caught up on what I saw on a movie or t.v screen. The people, my heros some of them, were being courages and living the life I would liked to live. They were being brave and making strong choices to rise above their circumstances to make their lives better. This was something I wanted to do myself but did not yet have the courage to do so. So rather then being brave in my own life I appeased my self by watching other people be brave. I got so caught up in watching these stories week after week, that these fictious character "lives" became my own. But as my friend Mastin Kipp says...
"At the end of the day, it is you and me who must act. Who must learn. Who must grow. Who must apply the knowledge"
So often the knowledge or inspiration we gain through a movie, television show, or reading a book is lost.
It inspires us so much the moment we read or see it and we feel so empowered to make our lives better or to chase after our dreams, but more often then not that knowledge is left on a shelf to gather dust.
So I am urging you to yes, be inspired, watch the movies, read the books, but do not let the knowledge or inspiration you gain from them gather rust and lay dormite in your mind.
A wishes fulfilled life takes action.
It is up to you.
What step or action can you take today that you've been putting off?
What knowledge to you already know that you aren't using?
Knowledge without action is worthless.
You're so hard on yourself.
take a moment.
Marvel at your life:
at the grief that softened you,
at the heartache that wisened you,
at the suffering that strengthened you.
you still grow,
"I recognize and respect that you are part of this family, and so I will never exclude you from our activities, but still- your suggestions will NEVER be followed. Your allowed to have a seat and you're allowed to have a voice, but you are not allowed to have a VOTE. You're not allowed to touch the road maps; you're not allowed to suggest detours; you're not allowed to fiddle with the temperature. DUDE, you're not even allowed to touch the radio. But above all else, my DEAR old familiar friend, your are absolutely FORBIDDEN to drive."
-The above quote is from the book "Big Magic: Creative Living Beyond Fear", a must read for the artist that exists inside all of us. For more information check out the Suggested Reading page.
It's been a while
I'm not who I was before
You look surprised
Your words don't burn me anymore
Been meanin' to tell ya
But I guess it's clear to see
Don't be mad
It's just a brand new kinda me
Can't be bad
I found a brand new kinda free
Careful with your ego
He's the one that we should blame
Had to grab my heart back
God knows something had to change
I thought that you'd be happy
I found the one thing I need
Why you mad?
It's just a brand new kinda me
If I talk a little louder
If I speak up when you're wrong
If I walk a little taller
I've been under you too long
If you notice that I'm different
Don't take it personally
Don't be mad
It's just a brand new kinda me
It took a long, long road to get here
It took a brave, brave girl to try
I've taken one too many excuses, one too many lies
Don't be surprised, oh, said, you look surprised
Hey, if you were a friend
You'd wanna get to know me again
If you were worth the while
You'd be happy to see me smile
I'm not expecting sorry
I'm too busy finding myself
I got this
I found me, I found me
I don't need your opinion
I'm not waiting for your "OK"
I'll never be perfect,
But at least now I'm brave
I know my heart is open
I can finally breathe
Don't be mad
It's just a brand new kinda free
That ain't bad
I found a brand new kinda me
Don't be mad
It's a brand new time for me
lyrics by: Alicia Keys
This is a quote that gets used a lot but the message is so profound that I wanted to share it with you.
Think about it.
What if everything we thought we were afraid of is an illusion?
What if what we truly fear is our own greatness?
Our own uniqueness?
What if we were afraid that if we truly let our light shine and embrace our own greatness we might change the world?
What might happen if we let down our walls?
A few questions to ponder...
What do you think?
Read these words slowly, and just...Breathe!
Keep pushing forward.
You will make it.
No matter how hard it seems!
"I would be happy if I had more money"
" I would be more successful if I had a better upbringing"
"... If this never happened to me"
"...if I was younger"
"...if I didn't have so many responsibilities"
"... if I had a romantic partner in my life"
You and you alone are all you need to create the life you want.
Your happiness and success are not conditional on outside forces. They are something that is born within you and then presented outward.
To transform from an ego dominated life to one that is guided by love begins with a single thought, or a declaration.
One that says...
"I choose to not let my past or my present dictate my future. I am free from past hurts and regrets. Other peoples opinions of me no longer dictate my sense of belonging or self-worth. I , myself am the captain of my own destiny. I am free."
You and you alone are enough.
If your life isn't what you want it to be never forget you have the strength and the courage to start over.
Its never to late.
Id like to close with a quote from the movie "The Help". Always remember that despite what other people,outside circumstances, or you yourself might be leading you to believe...
You ARE strong.
You ARE smart.
You ARE important.
My blog post today is borrowed from Mastin Kipp, one of my favorite spiritual teachers.
If your not signed up to receive his blog them you should be!
If it FULL of great spiritual insights and motivation to help you each and every day of the week.
His blog today spoke to me and I wanted to share it with you.
In it he talks about following your intuition and how following you intuition is often proceed by a lot of fear.
But there are right and wrong kinds of fear.
Yes, contrary to what some people say a little bit of fear is good for us.
Give it a read...
"Always go with the choice that scares you the most, because that's the one that is going to require the most from you." - Caroline Myss
I should begin and end my blog with this quote and leave it at that, because that is as simple (not easy) as it is.
But, I do want to clarify one thing – and that’s that you want to be smart about this. You don’t want to make the choice to go down a dark alley where there is a man with a gun waiting for you – that doesn’t make sense.
Caroline is not talking about choices that put your mortal danger at risk. On the contrary, she is talking about choices in regular life that scare the heck out of you.
Those are the choices that you want to make. Why? Because the messages we get from our intuition, from our Soul, are calling us out into the unknown – and we are naturally scared of the unknown. It’s just the way that it is.
So, if you are scared to make a choice: to quit a job, to start a business, to leave the relationship – and you know you must make this choice or live an unfulfilled life – then THAT is the choice that will lead you to freedom.
It’s not that you aren’t intuitive - it’s that you are scared of your intuition.
I spend most of my time working with people to get them to make the choice that scares them the most. Getting to that decision point is the work. There are stories, on top of stories, on top of stories and beliefs that hold folks back from making that choice. But ultimately, nothing else will bring fulfillment and joy.
Many folks use fear as a reason to stop, rather than a signpost showing them where to go.
Because without examination, we cannot tell the difference between being in mortal danger and simply facing the necessary uncertainty that living our purpose and our highest potential demand.
So what did you think?
What choice are you afraid to make today.
Could it be that the choice you are afraid to take action on is the thing that is holding you back from living the life you deserve?
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"This is dedicated to every human being who looks differnt, feels different, and thinks differently.